Homecoming :
Stories of Living in God's Way
Betty Rudolph: The Spiritual Practice of Discernment
I feel a little funny naming the spiritual practice I have been following this year, which is to honor a commitment to myself. It somehow sounds so selfish. Towards the end of last year, some of my community and church commitments were coming to an end and I chose to end other longstanding commitments in the interests of taking a break after several years of service. Part of this decision was because I was just plain tired; I had fallen into following what my calendar said I should be doing rather than by where my heart was leading me. Another part of the decision was to focus my energy on reconnecting more fully to my family and being prepared for some significant challenges and opportunities I expected to have at work this year.
While I originally thought of the year as a year of “no commitments,” the year really has been about struggling to keep a very important but difficult commitment for me, the commitment to myself – to nourish my spirit to become more intentional – to be more genuinely me, and to discern where God is calling me to be.
My practice encountered ongoing distractions to my commitment. I found it difficult to say “no” when asked by others to attend to someone in need, and I often found it difficult to say “yes’ to myself to spend the luxury of time doing something that feeds my spirit – a long bike ride, tending my garden, taking the time to prepare a nice meal, or creating space through meditation. My practice also brought me many nourishing moments. Those came in the company of my husband Michael and my family – hosting or visiting my six siblings and their families, my Mom, nine nieces and nephews, as well as Michael’s family including five siblings and eight more nieces and nephews. I also found sustaining energy in taking voice lessons and attempting to “find my voice” in my writing practice. While I am still discerning how God is calling me to use my love for writing, it is something I hope to carry forward as a practice and that helps me to transform myself into who God is calling me to be.
