Stories of Encounter, Choice, and Identity
Jeffrey Fox
Good Morning!
My story today is about an encounter I had while practicing my first fast.
In our lent planning meeting Doris Hendershot spoke about fasting for lent. The idea of fasting had always interested me but until now I didnít really think serious about it. It felt like now was the time.
Attending MAR GEEís Sunday school class gave me the motivation and the knowledge for my first fast. Along with several other Pilgrims I committed to a 24 hour fast with water only. This commitment was not made without a few concerns:
-Would I really have the will power to last 24 hours? Would I be weak? Have a headache? Be cranky?
-What was I going to prey and meditate about all day? I have trouble enough coming up with 5-10 minutes of prayer each day. How would I make this day meaningful?
As I prepared I prayed for strength and guidance.
The fast started at 6pm with dinner ending at 5:58pm. About an hour into the fast I offered my first prayer. It was at this moment, out of the blue, the idea of praying for forgiveness came into my mind.
Throughout the night and the next day I prayed and meditated for forgiveness:
FIRST for forgiveness from GOD on things in my past that have weighed heavy on my heart. Some of these thoughts have been around for years, some new. In my prayers and meditation I listed each name and situation saying them out laud.
SECOND for forgiveness from others that I may have wronged, knowingly or unknowingly, in the past. This prayer was more general as the names were harder to come up with.
THIRD for myself to forgive others or situations that have hurt me. These names were very easy to list however also brought out the most emotions. It is very surprising how many negative thoughts we hold onto from the past. It was such a relief getting this out in the open.
My concern about prayer began to seem silly for as I felt hungry or had thoughts of quitting I would begin to pray or mediate, concentrating on forgiveness while imagining my physical hunger turning into a spiritual hunger for the Holy Spirit. As the fasting continued the prayers came easily.
The fast ended pretty uneventfully. As the clock strike six I began to reintroduce food into my body. Boy everything tasted soooo good.
It was mid morning the next day before the effects of the fast were realized. This day I was traveling across country with friends. Traveling is at the top of my list of things I do not like to do. Usually the day is filled with impatience, stress and high anxiety. This day was different. Peace and calmness followed me throughout the day. At one point in the car I proclaimed that I was at peace.
Later in the day as I remembered my prayers. The negative energy usually associated with thoughts of the people I wanted to forgive was gone. It was at this moment that I realized forgiveness had indeed taken place during my fast.
Cutting out something that was so routine and enjoyable brought my mind and body into a different state. The mind was clearer. Prayer and meditation seemed very natural. The prayers seemed to connect to one another. Even blend into one another. Towards the end I even had thoughts of not ending the fast to remain in this state and keep the closeness and connection I felt to the Holy One.
This week an old best friend passed away unexpectedly. While attending his service I couldnít help but think how glad I was that we had no outstanding issues or misunderstandings. How would it feel to have someone you care about leave this earth before you had a chance to forgive or ask for forgiveness?
Thank you!
