MARRIAGE IN THE CHRISTIAN TRADITION
Marriage in the Christian tradition is understood as a gift from God for the well being of society, for the ordering of family life, and for the birth and nurture of children.[1] But most importantly, marriage is an expression of God’s intention that we discover human fulfillment not in isolation, but in relationship with other human beings. While marriage is not the only human relationship in which we find fulfillment, it is perhaps the one in which we have the greatest giving of ourselves to another person. Church of the Pilgrims believes that God's gift of marriage should be extended to all couples, regardless of their sexual orientation. While the church has no authority to convey a civil contract to same-sex couples, we welcome such couples to hold services of Holy Union at the church. All couples are subject to the same privileges and requirements as set forth in this policy.
It is expected that at least one of the persons to be joined is a professing Christian, and ordinarily an active member of a particular community of faith. Couples who are not members of the congregation, therefore, should expect to attend worship regularly prior to their ceremony. Exceptions are made for couples who live out of town but are active in another community of faith.
APPLICATION AND SCHEDULING
The pastor will endeavor to perform services of church members or their children at their mutual convenience. No services are scheduled on Sundays, holidays, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, during Holy Week, or in the event of a previously scheduled church commitment.
Services of non-members are conducted solely at the discretion of the pastor. The decision not to perform a non-member ceremony in no way reflects on the worthiness of the couple. It simply means that the routine workload of the pastor sometimes prohibits additional non-member services.
Ordinarily, the pastor cannot make a commitment to conduct a ceremony, nor can a date and time be confirmed, until after the application form is returned to the church and an initial interview is held. Therefore, those wishing to be married at The Church of the Pilgrims should schedule an interview early, before other plans are made.
OFFICIATING
he pastor of the church, or a minister designated by the pastor, will officiate at all services. If the couple wishes another member of the clergy to participate, the invitation will be approved and extended by the pastor. The service shall be under the sole direction of the officiating minister, and under the supervision of the Session (governing board) of the church.
Schedule permitting, permission may also be granted to ministers of other Presbyterian Church (USA) congregations to conduct ceremonies in the sanctuary.
MEETING WITH THE PASTOR
After the request form has been returned to the church, the couple should schedule the first pre-marriage conference with the pastor. Pre-marital counseling is intended to help prepare the couple for the challenges of married life, as well as to plan the ceremony itself. Ordinarily this will require 3-5 sessions with the pastor, and should begin at least 4-6 months prior to the ceremony.
If the minister is convinced after discussion with the couple that commitment, responsibility, maturity, or Christian understanding are so lacking that the marriage is unwise, the minister shall assure the couple of the church’s continuing concern for them and not conduct the ceremony.
MUSIC
Music is an important part of the service. Because a wedding or service of holy union is a worship service, the music for the ceremony should be appropriate for worship, directing attention to God and expressing the faith of the church. Various instruments are appropriate, but if the organ is to be used, the church organist or his designee will play for the service. The officiating minister, in consultation with the organist, has final approval of all music for the service.
The couple should contact the organist early to discuss the music. If they want a soloist, the church can suggest names, or they can secure their own solist. Financial arrangements are between the soloist and the couple. The soloist should furnish the organist with a copy of any music to be sung. It may be necessary to schedule additional rehearsal time for the solist and the organist, at an additional cost.
DECORATIONS
In decorating the sanctuary, simplicity is best. The church will be opened two hours before the scheduled time of the wedding, and flowers may be delivered then. Brass candelabra are available to be used in the sanctuary, with dripless candles only. No nails, thumbtacks, or tape are to be used on the furnishings in the sanctuary. Florist’s wire may be used to hold decorations in place. The throwing of rice or bird seed is prohibited. (Bubbles or rose petals are permitted.)
PHOTOGRAPHS
Flash photographs may be taken during the processional or the recessional only. During the service, existing light photographs may be taken from the back of the sanctuary. Pictures may be taken in the sanctuary following the ceremony or in the sanctuary before the ceremony, provided they are completed one-half hour before the service. Video recordings may be made from the back of the sanctuary, as long as the camera operator remains stationary throughout the service and uses existing light only. It is the responsibility of the couple to instruct their photographer on these policies.
REHEARSAL
Normally, a rehearsal is scheduled for all weddings the evening before the wedding day. If another date is desired, this can be arranged with the officiating minister. The entire wedding party should attend, along with parents of the bride and groom. Other friends and family are welcome to be present. Rehearsals begin on time, so please make an effort to arrive early if possible.
MARRIAGE LICENSE
A couple must have a valid District of Columbia marriage license to be married, and it must be given to the officiating minister no later than the rehearsal time.
CONDUCT
Since the wedding is a service of worship, reverence is expected on the part of all present. Smoking is not permitted in the church. Alcohol may not be served or consumed on church premises except for the reception (see below). The service may be postponed if members of the wedding party are under the influence of alcohol.
WEDDING COORDINATOR
The couple may choose a person, perhaps a friend of the family, to act as coordinator for the wedding service, or engage a professional for this purpose. The job of the wedding coordinator is to guide the activities in the back of the church. The wedding coordinator works with the ushers as they escort and seat guests, and guides the wedding party during the processional and after the recessional. It is essential that the wedding coordinator be present at the rehearsal.
PRINTED BULLETINS
If printed bulletins for the wedding are desired, it is the responsibility of the couple to have them typed and duplicated. The officiating minister will determine with the couple the form and content of such a bulletin.
RECEPTIONS
The Fellowship Hall is available for wedding receptions following the service for a fee of $500. Beer and wine or champagne may be served in moderation to toast the couple or to accompany a meal. All other alcoholic beverages are prohibited on church property
FEES
Below is the schedule of fees. The officiating minister and organist may be paid directly. Fees for church use and building personnel should be made out to Church of the Pilgrims. All fees are to be paid in full on or before the time of the rehearsal.
Church Use
Minister
Organist
Bldg. Personnel
Fellowship Hall
|
Member
0
0
$250
$250
$500 |
Non-Member
$500
$350
$250
$0
$500 |
Wedding & Holy Union Request Form
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